The Nuclear Deal – or – the Second Coming of PT Barnum

There’s a sucker born every minute.”

Iran deal comments

You can find the sucker deal Iran just made with Kerry & Obama here. It’s a .pdf file you can download and read when bored.

Right off the top, an observation:

Section Pages Devoted
Preface & Preamble 5
Nuclear Issues 50
Lifting of sanctioned materials and companies, cooperation: 104

Still think this is about containing or stopping nukes?

Some of the highlights I’ve found are:

It’s called the “Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action.” It’s called a “Joint” plan because you have to be smoking a blunt to take any of this seriously.

And it was developed by “Iran and the E3/EU+3.” These clowns in DC just love giving themselves important-sounding titles. How about calling themselves something that fits what they are doing, like the “State Honored Inspectors of nuclear Transit, Health, Engineering Activity, and Delivery Systems”?

Preamble comments:

This will “ensure the exclusively peaceful nature of Iran’s nuclear programme.” They had to use “programme” because the British/European English is code for “people should take this as seriously as European ‘military capabilities’.”

Peace in Our Time

Iran promises “never” – ever – to “seek, develop or acquire” nukes. Meanwhile, “Iranian officials scoffed and said that the Obama administration is misleading the public in order to sell the deal.”

Iran reaffirms their commitment to the purposes and principles of the United Nations as set out in the UN Charter. Chapter 1 of said charter: “… (2) To develop friendly relations among nations based on respect for the principle of equal rights and self-determination of peoples, and to take other appropriate measures to strengthen universal peace;…” like chanting ‘Death to Israel,’ I  guess…

But that’s OK, because Iran commits to implement this “in a constructive atmosphere based on mutual respect…” I guess like calling Obama a liar in order to get this turd passed… (If calling Obama a “liar” is a sign of respect, then I respect the hell out of the bastard.)

We are going to “cooperate … in the field of peaceful uses of nuclear energy…” What? Nuclear fracking under Jerusalem?


Once the preamble is over and you’ve stopped laughing, here’s the header of the “Nuclear” section dealing with “Enrichment, Enrichment R&D, Stockpiles,” “Arak, Heavy Water, Reprocessing,” and “Transparency and Confidence Building Measures:”

Iran and E3/EU+3 will take the following voluntary measures within the timeframe as detailed” in the document. (Emphasis in original.)

[V]oluntary” like “transparency” under Obama and Kerry – like when he refused to let us see this doc so someone had to leak it….

Section 6. Fordow will become “a physics & technology centre” Like a kiddie museum, I guess? So Kerry can understand what’s going on? No biggie, though, they’ll get to keep all their centrifuges and cascades, replacing ones that break.

Two centrifuge cascades “will spin without uranium.” So they won’t inhale?

Four cascades “will remain idle.” Got a bridge for sale? Kerry’s looking to buy one.

Section 7 (and Section 59) says Iran gets to sell uranium on the open market, and stockpile 300 kg – but the import of Russian uranium won’t be counted against that stockpile. How cool is that?

“See this 300kg pile? We made that. See this 30,000kg pile? We got it from Russia. What? You don’t BELIEVE ME? Bwa ha haha… “

The latter Section 59 says enriched uranium from outside Iran doesn’t count against this 300kg limit. Hmmm.. if they can get all the fuel they want.. what, exactly, is the purpose of them developing their own?

Hmmm… Let me consider that…

Section 8: “The [EU+3 modernized Arak heaver water] reactor will not produce weapons grade plutonium.” “If you like your doctor…”

Section 16: Iran won’t engage in activities that “contribute to the development” of a nuke.” Like.. these…?

I guess the transparency section is about the transparency of the lies they are willing to tell and we are willing to believe?

For these lies, Iran will have all sanctions lifted against them by the world. They tell us bedtime fairy tales, we give them $150B dollars and drop any and all sanctions against the largest global sponsor of terrorism. What a deal!

But that’s ok, because:

28: “[This nonsense] is committed to in good faith and in a constructive atmosphere, based on mutual respect.”

Kerry has GOT to be the DUMBEST guy on this planet or any other…

Here’s the first sentence in the section on “Dispute Resolution Mechanism:”

“If Iran believes…” … not “If the US, the UN, the EU+3 believed…” You think that’s an accident, that their needs are cared for first? Want to buy a bridge?

Not only do words matter – the ORDER of words matter – especially in diplomacy. And surrender documents…

So if the US disputes Iran’s action under this “voluntary… good faith… mutual respect” plan, first is a 15-day “consideration” (“period [can be] extended by consensus”… like these negotiations being stretched out a couple of years…) by the same guys who wrote and accepted this fairy tale to write a “non-binding opinion,” after which, if not “resolved” in 30 days, they’d yak about it “for no more than 5 days to resolve the issue.”


(I blogged earlier that, if these yakfests were held in Bakersfield, CA, they’d take a LOT less time…)

Heavy Water research. Iran can’t use its current reactor, but must modernize it to “minimize the production of plutonium…” But that’s OK, because, “The E3/EU+3 and Iran share the understanding that the parameters [in designing the new reactor] are subject to possible and necessary adjustments…”

Are YOU Smarter than a Fifth Grader? Because Kerry isn’t…

WHO will design & build this new reactor? “Iran will take the leadership role as the owner and project manager.”

Whew – for a minute there I thought the construction would be by someone untrustworthy.

Who is going to give Iran all this nuclear technology they’ve been spending years fruitlessly trying to develop on their own? “The E3/EU+3 parties will…” sell it to them.

Centrifuge R&D:

  1. “Iran will continue to conduct enrichment R&D in a manner that does not include enriched uranium.”

Huh? They are going to research and develop enrichment techniques without, umm… trying them out to see if they work, which will necessitate enriching uranium, which is the entire freaking purpose of the R&D?!?

Nope – Kerry is NOT smarter than a 5th Grader.

But – no problem, we can go inspect what they are doing, right?


  1. Requests for access pursuant to this [agreement] will be made in good faith, with due observation of the sovereign rights of Iran.”


“We want to come look.”


“Oh, OK.”

But – they might cheat – which we can find with all kinds of neat-o-coolio electronic technology. So?

  1. If Iran’s explanations [of malfeasance from a good faith voluntary agreement negotiated in mutual respect] do not resolve the IAEA’s concerns, [then we can go look… after telling them exactly what we are looking for, exactly how we found it, and exactly why we know they’re cheating…] “The IAEA will provide Iran the reasons for access in writing and will make available relevant information.”

But – we can still go look, right?


  1. Iran may propose to the IAEA alternative means of resolving [the cheating our systems say they are doing] which should be given due and prompt consideration.”


  1. If we don’t like their alternative, and if we still think they’re cheating and can’t resolve it in 14 days, then we’ll take a vote of the 8 members of this “Joint Commission” not to exceed 7 days, and if – if they can’t convince four members to bail – if Iran loses, they have 3 MORE days to cover up their cheating – and, remember, we already told them where, how, why and what we are looking for…

It get’s funnier / worse

Iran is gonna be required to not build more centrifuges.. but they get to tell us how many they have to begin with. ‘We have 837,512 centrifuges today. Really.’

Iran is going to declare all equipment – they’ll be honest, I’m sure, after all, this is a “voluntary … good faith agreement entered into out of mutual respect,” right?

Are there any people on this planet dumber than American liberals?

To ask is to answer.

Oh – and the GOP Congress who will let Obama get away with this…


But wait, there’s more:

“Iran will not engage in the designing, developing, acquiring or using computer models to simulate nuclear explosive devices.”

‘We promise! What’s that? That’s a new computer game – want to play, Secretary Kerry?’


I’m sure it gets worse, but that’s all the time I have now.

The scariest part of this whole thing?

That American voters really are willing to put dangerous people like this in office.

About Alex Scipio

About Alex Scipio: Alex moved out of the People's Republic of California to the Free State of Arizona, finally tiring of the lack of the Bill of Rights, the overgrown idiocracy, and the catering to non-Americans & welfare recipients. He still wonders how America got from Truman, Eisenhower, and Daniel Patrick Moynihan to the Liberal and Conservative extremes so badly managing America today. And, yes, islam DOES need to be annihilated. And doing what he can to get folks away from the extremes of political life.
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